Dear Friends and Family,
I have come to my place of work this Saturday morning to write all of you this email. This is where I have the most current list of my contact names and email addresses. At home we recently purchased a MAC computer. This is not the right time to learn a new computer system during this time of loss as my concentration is not the best right now. My work computer is the one I usually use and it is familiar and reliable so I write this note to you now on this quiet Saturday morning following the death of my dear mother.
I want to let you know that Margaret (Margie) Sugar died peacefully at home on Tuesday, October 14th at 3:01 pm. She died with dignity with family members by her side. Mom was active the weekend before she passed attending her Saturday morning coffee group at Bread Works with Mac, her 86 year old boyfriend. Mid day she went with a friend to an opera TV cast and then later that evening to Mackie Auditorium for a concert again with Mac.
When I called Mom on the phone Sunday morning she told me "the plan has changed". I said that we didn't need to go to church as she had requested earlier in the week. Mom, in a firm voice, again reiterated that the "plan had changed". I told her that I would be right over and that we could talk about it in person. When I got to her condo she was agitated and apparently exhausted from all her activities the two days prior. She said she didn't want to go to church and told me she was ready to depart this world as she couldn't handle not being able to walk up hills or getting into a car without having to lift her weakening legs with her hands due to muscle wasting. We spent time talking about her deteriorating condition and her wish to die. We lay together in her bed and spent quiet time sharing. Mom said she couldn't just rest in her bed as she felt she needed to get on with her day. Those who knew Margie understand that she was highly disciplined and never took time out of her day to laze around or sleep in. Time was precious and she enjoyed each day to the fullest.
Mom then got up and fixed herself breakfast and I asked how I could help. Being one who always fastidious Mom requested that I clean. I spent the morning sweeping, changing her sheets, doing the laundry and tidying up her household. Mom seemed to enjoy watching me work and settled down while reading the New York Times. Looking back it felt like we were nesting just like pregnant mothers often do just before birthing their babies ensuring everything is ready for the "big event". It strikes me how similar the dying process is to the birthing process. Mom then took charge and ordered a pizza and I took a walk to the mall to get it for her. Later that afternoon Mac came over to watch 60 minutes and enjoy the pizza with her. I said goodbye around 3 pm and told her I would be back in the morning.
Monday morning was a sparkling bright cool fall day. She met me at her breakfast table and we waited for the Hospice nurse to show for her regular Monday morning visit. As it turned out, Kathleen had come on Friday afternoon and Mom forgot so we waited until we called the Hospice office and they told us that Kathleen was on vacation. Looking back now, I am glad for this time as it gave my Mom and I our last chance to talk. Mom again reiterate how ready she was to die as she was now tired of saying goodbye and answering numerous phone calls. Mom was experiencing increasing pain and pressure from the growing abdominal tumors. The Hospice nurse encouraged her to take increasing amounts of pain medications to match her increasing pain level. Mom was aware of the muscle wasting and her decreasing mental acuity from her disease and the pain meds. I asked Mom if I could stay with her that morning but she shooed off to work being the independent person that she was. She said we couldn't just spend the day just "looking at each other".
I hugged and kissed her good bye and told her I loved her.
I was concerned and worried all day and returned to her home after work on Monday. I found her in bed semi conscious. I spent the night with Mom as she slipped deeper and deeper into unconsciousness. Her breathing became increasingly irregular. At 7 am Tuesday morning I called her doctor and he quickly came to visit her. Dr. T confirmed that she was in the dying process. He retned again at noon to check on Mom. I called Tait and Arv and they came to be by Mom's side with me. Early afternoon Mom's breathing pattern changed and became more shallow. At 3:01 pm she took her last breath, all the while letting go of life. So you see, she passed in peace and left this world quickly as she had so wished.
We are now in the throws of planning a Memorial Service at the Unitarian Universalist Church on Pennsylvania Ave in Boulder her congregation of more than 30 years. The family is honing in on November 1st at 1 pm but final arrangements have not yet been completed. The best place to learn more about the upcoming service will be on the website
msugar.com. As recommended by the Mortuary,we will place Margie's obituary in the Daily Camera the Sunday prior to her service.
If I have left off a friend please feel free to forward this message.
Mom is now released from the cancer that was taking over her body. Her physical body was cremated on Friday but her soul lives on through the countless memories that we have of her. She was a mentor for many and a friend to all that she touched.
Lots of Love,
Anne Donovan
(Margie's third child who lives in Boulder)